labels

I am taking a break from ‘dear compassionate’ to bring you all this important message… well, i think its important and this topic keeps showing up for me in every aspect of my life right now, so I am feeling somewhat called to write about it. ¬†I will do my best not to turn this into a non compassionate rant and more into an awareness of thought. ¬†As well, I know that some readers may not agree and that is ok. ¬†Your opinion will always be more important than mine, so do what feels right for you! ¬†So whats so important to interrupt my dear compassionate blog… Labels… the ones we put on ourselves, our kids, even our pets. ¬†I am pretty sure my cat has spastic behavioural disorder – or at least he did at 5am this morning. ¬† Labels are everywhere and some are more concrete than others, however, labels are irrelevant in my humble opinion and here’s why: (put away your sharpies and discard your brother p touch)

  • There Are A Gazillion Labels. ¬†ADHD, ADD, GAD, PES, DMS… and the list goes on. ¬†We are little logistical labellers running everywhere telling each other what we have and what we don’t have. ¬†We label with good intentions and with the need for validation, but it comes with a hefty price…
  • What’s The Price? ¬†With every label comes a list of what we are and what we are not. ¬†While raising children we want to invite our children to see themselves capable of possibility. ¬†If they over hear us labelling them, they will develop self constructs that exist only within that realm. ¬†Children are new to life and all it has to offer, they are developing and growing into and out of all different aspects of being. ¬†We need to offer a foundation of love that allows them to see their own limitlessness.
  • Same Same or Same Different? ¬†In many ways we are all very similar and we all have a need to belong. ¬†However, what about celebrating what makes us unique? ¬†A label can quickly take that away and not allow a child to see why they are like no one else and why that should be celebrated. ¬†Ironically, a child’s unique characteristics are what can send a parent into a google search for a label in the first place. ¬†Then those traits can get lumped in with some other traits and voila the unique quality gets hidden within a label.
  • Do Legitimate Labels Exist? Yes! ¬†However consider that they are the same person with that label and without. ¬†As a Parent Coach I only have one question for parents: How can we best set your son or daughter up for success based on the situation your are currently facing?
  • Be Careful What you Model – If we as parents walk around labelling ourselves, our children will be quick to pick up on it. ¬†We can paint ourselves into a box without even realizing it. ¬†I invite you to allow your child to see you as a limitless individual who is open and capable of trying a new things within different and new possibilities. ¬†I know that some adults have picky eaters syndrome too. ¬†However consider what exists when you try a food that your normally wouldn’t eat in front of your child. ¬†They see you being open to possibilities – big or small.
  • What About Assessments? ¬†It is always nice to see an expert and learn new things about your child. ¬† I am not saying that you shouldn’t do this. ¬†I am just inviting you to proceed with caution. ¬†Learn only what will open new doors and what will invent something for your son or daughter that might not have existed before.

Overall, it doesn’t matter what we have or what we don’t have. ¬†It matters that we feel love, belonging and support. ¬†In an environment where that is happening children will gain the confidence to build a broad self construct that will allow them to desire to experience all that is available to them.

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The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.

Oliver W Holmes