Fix My Child

Fix My Child…

As a Parent Coach I sometimes get asked why I don’t work with the child to change their behaviour.  In the long haul that would make your job as parents so much easier.  You could call me, I could come in and talk to your child and teach them how to behave in ways that would please their parents.  It sounds almost magical.  Mastercard would call that priceless!  So why can’t I do that?  The role of a parent is to teach your child everything they need to know to flee the coup… and truthfully we really don’t want them to circle back… well, maybe just on Sunday nights for dinner.  Our role is to share our values, create opportunities for experiential learning, and model life as an adult and as a parent.  My job as a coach is to help you do that for your children when you are feeling stuck.  Ie.  WHY OH WHY AREN’T THEY LISTENING TO ME!?!?

So let’s take that example and examine it:

Well, they are not listening to you because they are children – they need someone to teach them how to listen.  How are you modeling the behaviour you want to see?  Are you listening to your child?  Have you thought about how you want to teach the behaviour versus expect it?  Do you know what age appropriate listening looks like?

This is where a Parent Coach comes in.  A good Parent Coach will have done the homework for you.  She/he will also take the time to learn about your child and the ways in which they process information. (There are 32 different personality styles and 11 different learning styles – and those are just the ones that are documented).  A good coach will learn about you and the way in which you and your child relate.  She/He will ask about your relationship – if you do not have a good relationship with your child, or if you are not building one with them, they may not feel intrinsically motivated to listen to you?

I will leave you with a note on listening:  Children need more than just a verbal cue to listen.  Speaking, as well as being heard, are communicated in many different ways – ie. body language, facial expressions, tone.  Be creative: make a picture chart, leave lists, make eye contact, place a hand on their shoulder, and my personal fav – bring them close to you and speak in a voice so quiet that they have to strain to hear you!

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