Boundaries

To my loyal readers it has been a while since I have blogged… I am still getting into the swing of things and having this new found website still appears foreign to me on a good day.  Currently I am sitting here in the depths of my wisest capacity writing you from that authentic heart felt place about being the parent you want to be.  My goal is to inspire a new thought, share, find perspective & laugh.  I am writing you from the cusp of summer vacation and all the anticipation that those long long long summer days hold for me and my three vivacious little men!  The chaos ensues as the excitement mounts and the routine slowly slips away from me.  Breakfast becomes staggered, pajamas stay on till noon, I blog surrounded by board game pieces, and even the cat sleeps in.  I always find the change of season a time in which to reflect about myself as a parent and how I relate to my kids.  At times I facetiously refer to myself as the ‘fun wrecker’… always the heavy, the nag, the bearer of bad news and essentially the one who drops the hammer and reminds my family of the boundaries.  It’s those boundaries that get lost when the routine changes…  So as we spring into summer vacay mode I decided to share my thoughts on those very clear lines that we set.  What’s ok and what’s not ok and why?  Frankly put I set boundaries for two very solid reasons:  Their safety and my sanity!  But who’s kidding who here – it’s mostly for the latter – it’s a long summer!  So what do those boundaries look like and why do I have them?  I strongly believe that we set boundaries based on what we value – so what is and what isn’t acceptable is dependent on what valuable message, life lesson, or infinite wisdom we are so desperately trying to impart on our kids.  One of my hard lines is on bickering:  I cringe at the thought of their voices as they whine and whimper to each other about whose road hockey stick is whose and why did you stand there when I wanted you to stand here, and I was going to shoot that puck, and that’s my seat, and hey that’s my milk, and he tripped me, and I was going to play with that, read that, make that, eat that, own that, its mine, no its mine, who took my baseball glove… and then you hear it… MOM!!!!  As if I looked good in a striped shirt, a lanyard, & a shiny silver whistle!?!?  So with reasonable expectations that some of this is normal, I still have set a clear boundary that says, ‘when we can’t get along we clearly need some time apart.’  Thank goodness bicker and book both start with B – it makes it all so simple… Bicker means its time to read a book quietly in your room and when everyone is calm we can unite again and talk about ways to compromise, share and get along. 

I value brotherly love and siblings who care about each other and I value my sanity.  So as the days are longer and the routines are changing I invite you to think about what you value and what boundaries you set based on those values.  Think about making a plan, what is your follow through, what will you do if you are out and about, & what are you trying to teach your children?   Back the boundaries with consistency, natural consequences, and some love, insight and an opportunity to learn a better way.  It is so normal for your children to try these hard lines on multiple occasions and numerous times a day – I call it ‘just checking’ and I often tell my kids that I am the same parent that I was 2 minutes ago.  Your children want to feel safe and loved and when they are unclear of your expectations they will try you more often!

So cheers to summer, free time, no school, later nights, dairy queen, flip flops, boundaries and parental sanity! 

Compassionately Yours,

Margery

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu